Papadoms or bread?!?!
I am sure many of you reading this are familiar with the podcast Off Menu. For those who aren’t, you are in for a treat.
The podcast is hosted by two hilarious English comedians and food fans.
Ed Gamble is a bit of a straight man with first-hand experience eating in London, Japan, New York and beyond. His name drops of chef friends are frequent but just shy of annoying. James Acaster plays a culinary genie and shouts the opening question - Papadoms or bread?!?! - when the guest least expects it.
Ed and James then ask each guest to not just provide their favorite Starter, Main Course, Side Dish, Dessert and Drink, but who they want it cooked by or a host of other random choices like the setting and who your guests are that vary by episode.
I’ve been tuning in since Nish Kumar’s episode number four in December 2018. There are now more than 250 episodes for your listening pleasure.
While they’ve had on vegans, veggies and meat lovers, I don’t think they’ve had an episode with an environmental spin. (My email address is rick at youcanteatmoney.com if you are reading this The Great Benito.) So here goes -
Welcome to my dream restaurant, we’ve been expecting you for some time!
Setting - I think the restaurant experience happens well before you sit down at the table. Like Ed, I will stalk a restaurant’s website to review the daily menus to formulate my order, sometimes even if there is no chance I’ll be eating there anytime soon.
My dream meal is set at Brae in Australia. Chef Dan Hunter has created a wonderland for environmentally-minded eaters at the very bottom of southeastern Australia.
Near the main restaurant are six carbon-neutral guest suites made with recycled materials and powered by solar. The suites feature locally-made furniture, textiles and ceramics with views of the surrounding rolling hills. And importantly, the suites are just a few steps from the restaurant and regenerative organic farm, which produces “up to 90 per cent of the vegetables, stone fruit, citrus, nuts, berries, grain crops, olives, honey and Australian edible plants served in the restaurant”.
The food miles are next to nothing and the restaurant is highly seasonal. Plus, they let you take a break in your meal to wander the farm. Dreamy indeed.
Papadoms or Bread? - This is always one of the most interesting questions as bread has been stretched in many different ways. One time, I think a guest even swapped it for nachos (with permission from genie James).
My pick? Beaten by a Whisker’s Sourdough Country Loaf in Walthamstow, London, topped with Julienne Bruno’s Crematta and pickled carrots, ginger and green chili from Dishoom. Whisker’s loaves are made with Wildfarmed’s regenerative flour and Bruno’s Crematta is dairy-free. Pickling veg is a great way to reduce food waste through preservation and Dishoom’s mix would cut right through the Crematta. And I’d love to be joined by the founders of Wildfarmed - past podcast guest Edd, Andy and George for a chat on the latest in regenerative research.
Sparkling or Still Water? - I usually go tap to avoid involving packaging and transport, but if they do the carbonation in house, I’ll go sparkling. Better yet, I’d like a housemade Tepache from Bad Manners in Hackney, London. Tepache is super environmentally responsible as you can use fruit leftovers like banana skins and apple cores to make a beautiful fermented beverage of Mexican origin.
Here’s the Zero Waste Cooking School’s fancy version:
Starter - My favorite spot in London is Bubala. It is entirely vegetarian, mostly vegan and even mostly gluten free, making it super inclusive. While all the food is amazing, the reason I took so many people there when I lived in London is the mushroom skewers. Full of umami, these mushrooms have a tiny footprint when it comes to land use and carbon emissions owing to the fact that they can be grown pretty much anywhere with minimal inputs.
Main Course - I’m making Pasta Fagioli with Stanley Tucci in the kitchen as my sous to help me re-learn how to pronounce it.
Pasta Fagioli is one of the few dishes I’ve learned how to make well and that’s because it is super simple - pasta, beans, cavolo nero. You can amp it up in a number of different directions to suit your tastes and its super sustainable. Beans are legumes, which make them incredible nitrogen fixers helping build soil health. I’ll go with Rancho Gordo’s Cranberry Beans - versatile, delicious and great for broths.
For pasta, I am going with a company out of Copenhagen called Wasted. Wasted takes leftover and potentially wasted bread and turns it into amazing pasta, which they are now serving up on a European world tour.
Side Dish - At this point, I’m trying to decide between several options. My wife makes an excellent dairy-free version of St. JOHN’s Welsh Rarebit, but I’ve already had a hefty slice of bread to start with. A fresh oyster from past podcast guests Hog Island is also an option, but I’m going to go with Jess Damuck’s Black Bean Tostada with crispy leeks and salsa macha from her cookbook Health Nut. This is another super simple dish that I’ve learned how to make and it never disappoints. And if you get the Black Beans right, you can swap the leeks for whatever seasonal veg you can crisp up to put on top.
When it comes to the Salsa Macha, I have a curveball - my favorite is from the taqueria at Candelaria in Paris.
The first time I had this was during a pause in COVID-19 lockdowns and I proceeded to go back every time I went to Paris and on the penultimate trip - they had started jarring and selling it. I finished the jar I took back to London in less than a week.
Dessert - If I had to point to one dish that changed the way I think about food, it would be the Silo Ice Cream Sandwich.
I rarely eat dairy due to its environmental footprint and don’t even really care for dessert (Sorry James), but this one is special. The house-milled flour that becomes bread and house-churned butter that starts the meal is turned into an unreasonably good dessert to end it. A textbook example of how to reduce food waste that is often under-appreciated because of its simplicity. I’ve mentioned it at least a couple times on You Can't Eat Money episodes, including with Silo founder Chef Douglas McMaster.
Drink - We’re headed to Venice because in the dream restaurant, I am traveling with genie and not on an airplane. Earlier this year I got to visit Venissa. Located on an island in the northern part of the Lagoon of Venice, Venissa is a postage stamp-size vineyard that was re-built from just three vines rediscovered after decades of floods had more or less destroyed the ability to produce wine on the island. Most importantly, even though they can only produce a couple thousand bottles a season, the wine is fantastic and completely unique to the island.
Heavily influenced by René Redzepi, I am all in on drink and food that feels and tastes of a time an place. I love the idea of having a plate of food that is only available in the season I am eating it and in the location I am eating in. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had great Sri Lankan food in London, Thai in New York and Mexican in London, but I am a sucker for a restaurant with a farm next door filled with indigenous ingredients.
Guests - We’ve had drop-ins from the founders of Wildfarmed and Stanley Tucci, but who do I want to share this incredible meal with?
My wife Emma is a lock. While I have cared a lot about food for a while, she’s the real cook in the family and teaches me all of the skills I need to make a few dishes passably.
Ed and James of course. The least I can offer in return for stealing their format is a seat at my table. And you can’t replace James as the genie.
Melina Shannon-DiPietro for wisdom. One of my favorite You Can’t Eat Money podcast episodes is with Melina, the executive director of MAD. She’s got receipts when it comes to food sustainability and has to be at the table for this environmentally themed meal.
Massimo Bottura for the spark. I firmly believe that we get to incredible innovation by being human beings with diverse interests. Massimo’s love of art has heavily influenced his path to becoming one of the world’s best chefs. I’d love to hear his stories of inspiration and creation, and efforts to reduce food waste.
And last but not least, a digestif.
I want an Amaro Nostrano with Luca Di Vita.
Luca is one of the creators of my favorite place in Venice - Osteria Alla Testiere - and Amaro Nostrano. The only thing more lovely than the food and amaro is Luca’s hospitality. Last time I was there, I threatened him - to a laugh - that I’d try to cook all of the ingredients in the restaurant’s cookbook “Julie & Julia”-style.
And with that, we close the dream restaurant. I’ll be sure to leave a generous tip.
Welcome to the Dream Restaurant!